I wasn’t sure what to write for mental health awareness day. I decided to write a letter to someone, struggling with suicidal urges, thoughts or even plans. I hope this reaches you if you need it. I know it won’t cure anyone but I want you to know that you matter and you are never alone even if you feel like it.
I know you are struggling. I can see you are not yourself. You are acting strangely. Your smile seems artificial, you seem lost, withdrawn. I know because you have told me and I believe you. I trust that you are not lying or being dramatic when you say you want to die. That you have used all the resources you own. That telling you to ‘just take a bath’ won’t wash away the suffering that you hold within.
I have been there, not exactly the same place, but a similar one. I know how horrible it is and that you shouldn’t have to feel like this, but you do. I know right now you need a friend. Not someone to tell you what to do, unless you ask specifically, but instead someone to sit with you, to lean on when you can’t take the weight of your body anymore. I know that empty pain, that feeling like things won’t improve, that right now everything is unbearable. Even one more moment is too long. You need help now. Some kind of progress. You might have visited A&E or called the crisis team. You may have had a positive experience or have been turned away feeling more helpless than ever.
Maybe you might start hating yourself, believing you aren’t good enough, that you are a burden or you are toxic to the people you care about. None of those thoughts are true, you will probably disagree with me, but they are lies your brain is telling you. You are amazing and worthy, so worthy of great times and fun experiences. Whatever you have gone through is in the past and it has also shaped you. You have got through everyday of your life and can get through this. I believe in you.
Please don’t give up on yourself. Death is so final and your life is precious, not only will you be missed but you will miss out on so much. You are needed in this world. One day, with help, you’ll see how beautiful this earth is, how kind most people can be and how exciting opportunities are. Hopefully you will find happiness… even if it is just small glimpses in a tough day.
Sending you a hug,